


the shimmer of showering stars

by icedmachinery, icemachine



Series: doom patrol daily drabbles [18]
Category: Doom Patrol (TV)
Genre: Gen, I Don't Even Know, Neopronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22154071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedmachinery/pseuds/icedmachinery, https://archiveofourown.org/users/icemachine/pseuds/icemachine
Summary: There is something next to xer, invading the space, moving towards xer in a slow, rhythmic manner.And it is beautiful.Keeg wants a closer look.
Relationships: Keeg Bovo & Larry Trainor
Series: doom patrol daily drabbles [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1453618
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	the shimmer of showering stars

i.

The atmosphere of this particular planet is - admirable. 

Keeg likes it, likes to stretch xer form out over the light, gaze down at the blue-emerald color blend sweeping over the globe, to dream. Sometimes xe wishes that xe could touch it, land on it and feel the familiar unfamiliarity of experiences something new, of running, of experiences. But that is simply out of reach, too unpredictable, so: xe rests just above it.

Waits.

Xe also does not know what xe is waiting for, but knows that _something_ is going to happen, something eternal, which is what xe has always craved; eternity, something permanent that isn’t xer existence. Something _real._ Keeg can desire, and can bring those desires into reality---but what is reality, beyond circumstance?

Reality, xe thinks, is filled with a lot of waiting.

ii.

Larry Trainor thinks about many things as he enters the sky.

He thinks about malfunction, what would happen if the jet just - stopped working. Maybe it would explode, big beautiful ash in the skies, Larry’s body slowly raining back onto Earth. And wouldn’t that be perfect? An appropriate, thematic ending to this tragic narrative. An ending that does not involve John Bowers; he has always been terrified of an ending that involves John Bowers. He has, also, always been terrified of a beginning that involves John Bowers.

One can see the complication.

Larry also thinks about what happens _after_ he lands. John’s discharge, and—

No.

He focuses on only what is in front of him: something new, eternity, something _real._ Space is so much bigger than everyone else; the universe is vast, ever-expanding, and difficult to comprehend. He wants to comprehend it. He wants to comprehend _something,_ even if it is a small something, microscopic. He just wants to find a place where he fits in perfectly, without the lies. A crack in cement, shaped like his body; another body, which fits perfectly in his; perfect, perfect.

Perfect. Can anything ever be perfect? This is as close as it gets—floating in the air, looking down at the planet below.

  
  


iii.

An alarm goes off, somewhere, inside of Keeg Bovo’s boundless mind. There is something next to xer, invading the space, moving towards xer in a slow, rhythmic manner.

And it is beautiful.

Keeg wants a closer look. Part of it is machinery, xe can tell, but in the middle rests something pink-white - paradisiacal - otherworldly. It is unlike anything xe has ever witnessed. Xe moves closer, wants to bathe in it, wants to make it entirely xers, whatever it is. Can xe possess it? Can xe keep its beauty?

But, _oh._ Keeg cannot help xerself, and now xe cannot control it; they are merging, they are Becoming. Keeg can feel xerself move into this body - oh, it is a body, xe is Learning - and Keeg can feel xerself burst, blossom, purify, with some sort of - emotion? - what is emotion? - a human word - is this a human? - this is a human - _humans are beautiful, humans feel like emotion._ Love is an emotion. It is all rushing into xer, now, everything that this man (what is a man?) has ever felt.

Most of that is love.

Love!

And is this love? This fondness, this impulse to view his beauty? What is ‘his’? _He_ belongs to Keeg, thinks Keeg, _he_ is the epitome of -

**he** is what Keeg has been waiting for. He is what Keeg has craved. He is real. Some would say that Keeg is not real, but: those people aren’t like Larry. Who is Larry? Larry is _him,_ apparently, Larry looks like escape. There are words in xer mind, flowing and fluttering like birds and like mythology, _he_ and _him_ and _Lawrence_ and _Larry_ and _Trainor._ There are other words, like: _John. Sheryl. Paul._ These words carry, in order, passion, regret, and sorrow. Keeg thinks that these are special words, and _passion, regret, sorrow_ are emotions, too, but they are not Love. Nothing is ever like Love.

Love, and words, and humanity———-

Oh. _Fear._

Most of what Larry feels is fear. Xe had not known fear - at least, not like this - until now. For Larry, _love_ and _fear_ look the same, or bleed together in his mind which now seems to be - paper-thin, fragile-formed, like a baby bird, a flying thing that cannot fly yet, cannot escape. Larry is real, but nothing is real to Larry.

The love, moments ago strong, moments ago wondrous, now subsides.

iv.

At first, xe tries to pity Larry. Xe is learning so many new phenomenons; most notably, pity.

Xe has also learned _torture_ ; noun. the action or practice of inflicting severe pain on someone as a punishment or to force them to do or say something, or for the pleasure of the person inflicting the pain.

That’s not right. He isn’t doing this on purpose, could never do this on purpose, so Keeg searches again—

_verb,_ inflict severe pain on.cause great mental suffering or anxiety to.

It’s like that, xe thinks, like pain and suffering (which xe knows, which Larry knows, which Keeg-and-Larry know, as a singular, unrelenting being). 

And xe does pity Larry. For a while, feels sensitive, feels powerful, wants to love again. Later, the love will be rediscovered and returned like flying above a planet into a world that lacks consequence, but. 

_Larry is doing this to himself. Constant. Cycles of constant, self-inflicted pain, and it is killing xer. They are one._

How can you pity that?

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> this is me trying to make (show canon, since my brain is too small to understand comics) sense of keeg's motivations with larry. and while keeg is absolutely 100% captivated by larry at first, this is not intended in a Weird way. keeg is just very alien and also very Like That. 
> 
> pls kudos and comment if enjoyed! but not if you're gonna give me shit for neopronoun usage. that ain't cool.
> 
> (title is from feral hearts by kerli)


End file.
